Broken Dreams

I took a step into the dark cold night
I looked up to see there were no stars to wish on in sight,
Oh but what I saw filled be with dread
Broken wishes of those whose hope was dead
Broken wishes floated high above me
I realized they were silently searching for the key
If found, this key would release my hope and allow it to go away
In fear my mind screamed yet left me no words to say
Then I realized that the key was my fear
I call for my hope but my hope is not here
I wanted to run and never look back
But, with no hope in my heart my dreams began to crack
"My dreams will not break!" I screamed out loud
"My dreams will not break for they are much too proud!"
But my pride bgan to dissolve along with my dream
I quickly glanced up but found no wishes I had not seen
Where is my dream? I wonered, I wish for a sign
I glanced up once more and found a new broken dream, this dream was mine

The Cold

The snow falls
Heavy on the ground
Leaving me lost,
And never to be found
I'm watching it drift
I'm hearing it whisper
I'v been walking far too long
And my feet have begun to blister
They left me behind
And now I'm on my own
I have to find
My way back home
I was screaming
And begging
I didn't wanna be lost
But I'm unwanted
And now I pay the cost
Frostbite takes its toll
My wounds cry for death
And so does my soul
How could they do this
I've been left for dead
But there is still so much more
Going on in my head
So, now I'll sit here
I'll cry my last few tears
If I'm scared of death,
Then bring on all my fears
No use trudging
Through all this snow
When my fate is set
And I already know
I know they wanted this to happen
They wanted me gone
This is what they wanted
For so long
So, this snowy mountian
Was just a set-up
To help me lose my way
And now I'm freezing cold
And there's nothing left to say

I'm Gone

My heart is black and cold
these fake smiles are getting quite old
the sweet taste in my mouth has been soured
my soul is slowly being devoured
my eyes are no longer glowing
my heart beat is quickly slowing
help me regain my old smile
don't let my thoughts be so vile
i'll take your hand
just please understand
that only you can save me
for this is my only plea
wipe away all of my dried tears
also any of my make up smears
take my blood-drenched knife
you may have just saved my life
now time to face the ugly truth
I pulled the trigger
and cut with great vigor
blood is now everywhere
you don't even seem to care
finally everything went black
I'm never going to come back
now that i am gone
I hope everyone had their fun

Disguise

Look past this girl
Look past my mask
I'm not who you think I am
You pass me in the halls
You call me a freak
You think my life is perfect
And I'm just putting on an act
Yeah sure, I do put on an act
But not the kind you think
You think I want attention
But I want to be invisible
Just look past my sad eyes
You call me fake
But I'll show you the list of my life
Rape
Abuse
Self-harm
Abandonment
That's just the begging
So, yes i wear a disguise
But not to get sympathy
I wear it so you won't know the truth
How messed up i really am
How much I've been through
You think I'm another loser
Who just has emotional problems
But I am so much more

I'm Ahead

Popping pills in the morning,
Popping pills at night.
Cutting deep into my skin,
holding my blade tight.
Dressed up to look my best,
When I actually looked my worst.
I thought all this alcohol
would refresh my troublesome thirst.
I wanted kids when I was older,
I wanted good news to tell.
But Who Tells their children,
that they wanted to go to hell?
I had a lot of problems.
sexually abused and bashed.
Both my arms, wrists, and legs,
Had been both bruised and gashed.
I thought of myself,
As a strong Girl.
I wasn't strong at all..
This is what made my toes curl.
I had decided to stop,
And get my life on track.
Because I realized the life I wasted
I was never getting back.
So I stopped the hurting,
For once it was pretty easy.
I stopped looking like an easy target,
and I stopped dressing sleazy.
I'm a better person now.
And I'm turning 16.
I cant believe how young I was,
and how I was so keen.
All the drugs and the alcohol,
the cutting and pain.
Have all disappeared,
now I'm one step ahead in this game.

I mISS yOU

I sit out in the cold, it's times like this,
When I look back on the things that I miss,
The old times, the days gone way by,
The bittersweet memories end up making me cry.
I miss your smile, your laugh and wave,
To hear your voice again is the only thing I crave,
To look in those blue eyes and know all is well,
But now I'm alone again, fighting against my hell.
I remember the days where you would joke with me,
You'd read my poetry, and a support you'd be,
You've given me faith in this world once again,
I was at peace with it all, with you, until then,
The days flew by, and then came the end,
I honestly miss you more than anyone, my best friend.
I think of you everyday, and it hurts me so,
Because I haven't seen you for so long, you know.
This poem's for you, though I want everyone to know,
Because I actually want to put my feelings on show,
Though there may not be many views on this,
You are the one I truely miss.

Its a Long Story

Why is it me
What have I done
The lonely outcast,
That's who I have become
Sometimes I think it's better
Then I can't get hurt
But then I think about it
And the pain gets worse and worse
Not one friend at school
Nor out
In myself, I have so much doubt
Why am I so different
Am I really that insane
Or do you just find pleasure
In making me go through pain
I used to think I had a friend
But she's got friends of her own
Now there's no one
To help guide me home
But maybe home is not the place to be
I have scars from that place
But I won't let anyone see
Right now, I know I'm alone
Online friends just aren't the same
And to think that their the only friends I have,
That turns my last bit of pride, into full blown shame
Last year, I had one last person
But she's got other followers this year
And now my myself and my actions,
I fear
Maybe if I pretend
Wear a skirt for a day or two
Maybe they'll give me compliments
To make up for all the torture they've put me through
But I'm gonna be me
I already lie enough
And so far,
My life has been awfully rough
So, it's simple and plain,
I'm gonna try once more
I'm gonna tighten the noose
And walk through Hell's door
No one will miss me
Not my mom
Not my dad
Nor any classmates
Not one will even be sad

Be With Me

Come into my arms, for another warm embrace,
Come here and sit next to me, there's plenty of space,
Don't feel left alone, you're worth more than a mile,
All I want to do is to see your beautiful smile.
You'll never be alone, I'll always be here,
Never be afraid, because I'll always be near,
I'll be your beacon, I'll be your hope,
I'll take off some of the weight when you can't cope,
Never feel scared, because I'll fight them all away,
The bullies won't be there to frighten you another day,
Though I can't stop all the pain, I can stem the flow,
I can give you those five minutes that you need before the show.
Plaster your face, put on that charade,
I'll cover for you while you prepare the facade,
Honestly I'd do this for you, without a moment's hesitation,
But would you do the same for me? I want a conformation.
Hang in there beautiful people, keep the smile on your face,
Pack away the bad memories, lock them in a case,
I'd paint you a rainbow in the sky, if I were able to,
You and me together, there's nothing we can't do.

"Someone Like You"

I heard that you're settled down
That you found a girl and you're married now.
I heard that your dreams came true.
Guess she gave you things I didn't give to you.

Old friend, why are you so shy?
Ain't like you to hold back or hide from the light.

I hate to turn up out of the blue uninvited
But I couldn't stay away, I couldn't fight it.
I had hoped you'd see my face and that you'd be reminded
That for me it isn't over.

Never mind, I'll find someone like you
I wish nothing but the best for you too
Don't forget me, I beg
I remember you said,
"Sometimes it lasts in love but sometimes it hurts instead,
Sometimes it lasts in love but sometimes it hurts instead, "
Yeah

You know how the time flies
Only yesterday was the time of our lives
We were born and raised
In a summer haze
Bound by the surprise of our glory days

I hate to turn up out of the blue uninvited
But I couldn't stay away, I couldn't fight it.
I'd hoped you'd see my face and that you'd be reminded
That for me it isn't over.

Never mind, I'll find someone like you
I wish nothing but the best for you too
Don't forget me, I beg
I remember you said,
"Sometimes it lasts in love but sometimes it hurts instead."
Yeah

Nothing compares
No worries or cares
Regrets and mistakes
They are memories made.
Who would have known how bittersweet this would taste?

Never mind, I'll find someone like you
I wish nothing but the best for you
Don't forget me, I beg
I remember you said,
"Sometimes it lasts in love but sometimes it hurts instead."

Never mind, I'll find someone like you
I wish nothing but the best for you too
Don't forget me, I beg
I remember you said,
"Sometimes it lasts in love but sometimes it hurts instead,
Sometimes it lasts in love but sometimes it hurts instead."
Yeah

"Don't You Remember"

When will I see you again?
You left with no goodbye,
Not a single word was said,
No final kiss to seal any scene,
I had no idea of the state we were in,

I know I have a fickle heart and a bitterness,
And a wandering eye, and heaviness in my head,

But don't you remember?
Don't you remember?
The reason you loved me before,
Baby, please remember me once more,

When was the last time you thought of me?
Or have you completely erased me from your memory?
I often think about where I went wrong,
The more I do, the less I know,

But I know I have a fickle heart and a bitterness,
And a wandering eye, and a heaviness in my head,

But don't you remember?
Don't you remember?
The reason you loved me before,
Baby, please remember me once more,

Gave you the space so you could breathe,
I kept my distance so you would be free,
And hoped that you'd find the missing piece,
To bring you back to me,

Why don't you remember?
Don't you remember?
The reason you loved me before,
Baby, please remember me once more,

When will I see you again?

Forever and Always

It's raining outside;
So wet and cold.
Cover me, my love,
And please
Don't loosen your hold.
~~~
It's sunny outside;
So warm and bright.
Run with me, my love,
Through the fields until night.
~~~
It's storming outside;
So fierce and wild.
Hide with me, my love,
And protect me
Like you would a child.
~~~
It's snowing outside;
So beautiful and clean.
Lie down with me, my love,
In the snow so serene.
~~~
It's night outside;
So quiet and dark.
Kiss me, my love,
And sleep with me
'Til morning's bright spark.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I see nothing outside;
I'm so scared and alone.
Where are you, my love,
Why is your presence not shown?
~~~
I hear your voice call my name
And feel a distant bright light.
Though I cannot move nor see,
I cry out for you
With all my might.
~~~
Your voice fades away
And the light goes out.
I am leaving, my love,
But I continue to shout.
~~~
My voice has left me
And as I'm letting go,
I feel you embrace me
And hear you say,
"I told you so,"

Something About You

I stand here on the shores of madness
Looking across the sea of sadness
Wondering what could have gone wrong
And through the darkness I see
A weak light trying to break through the black horizon
Sailing across the sea that is so thick
To a point that a man could walk on
A candle on a boat...
A boat made out of paper
A paper with your name and mine
With a heart as a frame
A heart that I once drew
After I looked into your eyes
Those eyes that once gave me strength
The strength that got you away
I wish I could find a way to draw your route back to my arms
My arms that were your house
A house that I wish we could built together
Together is what I wanted for us
Us as we're sitting together holding on one another
Another is what i am to you now
Now is the present that I suffer in
In my heart you will always live my love
Love is what I will always have for you
..... YOU .....
You are the most precious thing...god ever made

I Am A Dreamer

In my mind I like to live
And in my thoughts I thrive.
I can be whatever, whoever.
It's when I'm most alive.
I believe in fairy tales
And I believe in love.
I believe in myths and legends
And everything above.
I put it all together
And create a world, my own.
To me, it all seems so new
But it feels I've always known.
I like to think, I like to write,
And I enjoy reading books.
Peer closer at your imagination
Because nothing is as it looks.

A Lonely Broken Heart

There's no way to hide it, darling.
I can see you within.
Deep down, you're broken inside.
Hiding many secrets from the world.
You aren't what you once where.
Not the girl I used to know.
That fake smile; it doesn't prove a thing.
You changed into something new.
A clone, a poser, it's what you are.
Trying to fit in with what you aren't.
Truthfully, I'm happy your group left you behind.
Perhaps it will teach you a lesson.
You have nothing now, you see, they never treated you right.
They never cared.
I always was aware.
I tried to warn you numerous times.
You didn't listen to my words.
You chose them over me.
Popularity over one who would give you more love and warmth than anyone ever could.
You're attempting to come crawling back to me, you seek my attention, or do you?
Maybe you're just lonely, left behind.
You lack friendship.
You know you have no best friend.
You have many people in your life, yet you feel so alone.
You feel dead inside.
Broken, sorry, lonely.
You have no one to share your deepest, darkest secrets with.
You keep it in.
You try to be apart of the popularity.
You try to believe you're the best thing that ever walked the earth.
Deep down, you know you aren't.
You long for a best friend.
I could've been that.
Yet you betrayed me, and gave me up for everything else.
Other people, far more better than I could ever be.
One thing they couldn't beat me in; love.
I could've given you so much more.
You threw that oppurtunity away.
One day, you'll regret it. You'll regret every second of it.
Maybe today is that day.

Remember

I'm looking back on my childhood,
Back at my blurred memories
And I focus on one in particular,
One that is slowly starting to cease:
I am four, maybe five,
And I am waking from my sleep.
I slowly crawl out of my bed
And try not to make a peep.
As I tip toe down the hallway
And pass by His lair,
I hear Him say,
"Come snuggle with me,"
To my dreadful despair.
Trying to talk my way out of it,
I say, "But I don't want to,"
But by the look on His face,
I know I'm gonna have to.
So I shuffle to His bed
And crawl disgustedly under the covers.
As He binds me tight
With His strong, imprisoning arms,
His booze-hinted breath
Reminds me
To let my consciousness hover
For my 5 year old self
Knows what comes next
But my 14 year old self
Only knows the effects:
My heart has been hardened
With frozen distrust
And my body flinches
Every time it is touched.
I try hard to remember
What happened that morning
But something keeps blocking me
And it feels like a warning.
Though I have nothing to be warned about
For He is no longer in my life
So I wonder why remembering
Is such a strife.
I want to press onward
In my probing of my memory
But I am too tired from the effort
So maybe it'll all come back to me.
Maybe, just maybe.

Someone Who Cares

It’s so terrible

Everyone’s against you

You need a miracle

Or else you’ll never make it through

It’s so horrible

Why do I let you stay?

Maybe I’m your miracle

Or maybe you should go away

//You’re always feeling sorry for yourself

I try to talk to you but it never helps

There’s always something to complain about

Why do I hang around?

I’ve got better things to do

Than sit around and listen to you

Complain about how life’s not fair

Save it for someone who cares//

It’s so confusing

You can’t make up your mind

It’s constantly changing

You never decide

It’s so amusing

You think no one’s got it worse than you

But maybe did you think

You should try looking from a different view

//Chorus//

Stop feeling sorry for yourself

You’ve got nothing worse than anyone else

//Chorus//