And just because of that, I’m afraid to love you.
It’s not your fault. Don’t blame yourself. It’s me. I’m afraid for you, and I’m afraid for me, but I still feel my pulse racing the instant you appear, a tingling that starts in my fingertips, then shoots up my body, a pulsating lightning bolt that splashes into my mind and explodes into... hot... blinding white light. A buzzing, stomping insistence that I recognize, the affect you have on me. I’m left short of breath, eyes wide, dizzy and suddenly, longing for your gentle touch.
Chaos inside, I am everywhere and nowhere. I am limitless yet tethered. I am willingly losing control, but the fear balances on my edge. I cannot lose control, again, and the confusion makes me afraid. Afraid to love you.
I know if I let myself, I would be with you forever, which is much longer than a lifetime. I would take all my choices, my dreams, my fear and set them at your feet, my gifts of sacrifice for the only one, for who I would give my life.
I would confess to you my joy and hide in you my pain, for I know that you would view each with a critical but loving eye. You understand that I’m not the perfect woman that I pretend to be, you’re ok that sometimes I’m not even up to being me. You accept me as I am. You’re the only one. It feels so right, which is exactly why I’m afraid to love you.
Still, I see it in you. I’m not that blind. I can see what I’m afraid to see. Your eyes shine when I talk to you of simple things. Your breath catches in your throat when you’ve made me smile. I make you laugh. You make me laugh. At little things and when we’re angry. When I am near you I feel as though I should sing. I wish for nothing except our songs entwined. I feel you tremble at my lightest touch. You are a dove unfearful of my captive embrace. I belong to you, and you to me.
Oh God, help me because that’s exactly why I’m afraid to love you...but I do..."
No comments:
Post a Comment